My last post, on Monday, was all about how I wasn't going to worry. I was just going to celebrate each day that we were pregnant. That lasted until about Tuesday before the worries started creeping in. And, then Thursday I had a little spotting. Not much. Not enough to need a panty liner. But, enough to scare the crap out of me. I'm feeling more AF-ish type cramping than the previous days, too.
I know that many woman spot in early pregnancy. I also know this is how miscarriages start. Maybe I've read one too many blog posts or spent too much time on iV. I don't know. How many women who have spotting at 4 weeks, 3 days really make it to a healthy baby in the end? Thinking positive just doesn't seem possible anymore. I feel like we're losing Beaker...and I just can't process it.
I haven't called the clinic. Three dots of redness seems like a bit too little to call in a panic. But, more than that, I also know that there's nothing they can do. They'll either tell me to wait it out. Or, they'll have me come in for more betas. And, I'm not sure I want the results. I don't want to take that call.
At the same time, I know that I'm supposed to be leaving for Missouri on Monday night to go be with BFF and her new baby (born Monday via c-section). If this is headed in the direction it feels like it is, I can't bear to go through that there, without Hubby. At least, if I got the bad beta results, I'd know to stay home.
I hope I'm overreacting. I hope that this is all a part of the process and the spotting was perfectly explainable and the AF-ish cramps are a normal thing to feel at this point. I feel less pregnant than I did yesterday. Things don't seem to be moving in the right direction. Not sure what to do or how to feel. I'm just in a daze.
644th Friday Blog Roundup
1 day ago