Sunday, November 15, 2009

Hoping vs. Waiting

Part of my pre-op bloodwork on Thursday was an HCG because I was on CD25 and 10DPO.  Right before the hysteroscopy last Friday, the nurse made a point to say that my HCG had come back negative.  I just laughed.  It wasn't a surprise.  Still, it sucks to know that already, as I sit around waiting for AF to come in the next few days with no hope of a BFP.  This is exactly why I don't early test. 

Even though the 2WW can drive me crazy, it's also still the most hopeful part of every cycle for me.  Despite the odds, for two weeks out of every month, I could be pregnant.  I don't early test because seeing AF for the 209th time in my life is a lot easier than seeing the stark white HPT staring back at me.  I've gotten used to AF's arrival month after month for 17 years (granted, for 16 of those I didn't much mind).  I don't ever want to get used to seeing bright white HPTs.  I'd rather just wait...and hope against the odds.

This cycle, though, there's no more hoping...only waiting.

7 comments:

lowfatlady said...

Sorry it was a negative. I hope everything goes well with the op.

Rain Child said...

Sorry about the negative! I hope your hysteroscopy goes well! Keep us updated!

VA Blondie said...

It is always depressing to get a negative pregnancy test, either from a blood test or HPT. That is why I never tested early, either. I also got tired of seeing the blank white test. It was just too depressing.

Marla.z said...

I think that 2WW's stink. They drag on and on and on. And sometimes, they even play dirty tricks on your mind, making you think that you have a pregnancy symptom when it's actually just PMS. Ugh!

Lauren said...

I was the exact same way with testing. I used to test at the beginning of TTC, and then I completely stopped for the 8 months before I got pregnant. It's just too hard to see that negative and then to sit around for days just waiting to move on to a new cycle and a new chance.

Alison said...

I know exactly how you feel. Seeing AF is just easier than BFN. And as long as I don't have "proof" I'm not PG, I can at least hold out hope for a dew days that I just might be!

ifcrossroads said...

BFN's never ever hurt any less. You'd think they would loose their punch after awhile but instead, like a cruel joke, they just hurt more and more.
((hugs))

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