Wednesday, August 12, 2009

So much emotion in three simple words

The title of this blog has been through at least three iterations in the four months. I don't even remember the first few titles...they were cute, but held no actual personal value. More recently, I had settled on "TTC=Trying not To go Crazy." That really seemed very fitting given the pre-O crazies I've been experience, not to mention the general craziness that the entire TTC process can bring on. I liked it...it was unique and did have a personal connection. But, it had one problem. I want to be able to continue to use this blog post TTC when our "someday family" is a "now family", so to speak. And, though we hope to have more than one, "TTC=Trying not To go Crazy" doesn't seem to fit the in between times that I hope we one day get to experience.

So, I finally settled on "Our Someday Family." It just feels right to me, but it does come with its own set of issues. One of them, the biggest actually, is the fact that it implies that we don't have a family now. I would vehemently argue that Andy, Gracie, Audrey and I are, in fact, a very loving family, with or without kids. Sometimes I look into their big puppy eyes and ask, "Why can't this be enough?" Or, at least, why can't it be enough for now like it was in the beginning.

It's no secret that one of the original reasons we got a puppy (Gracie, in the beginning) was to prep ourselves for a baby. It helped for a bit. And, then that longing started to get louder and louder until I couldn't take it anymore, but we still weren't both ready. So, we got Audrey (a puppy mill rescue) and our family felt complete...for a time. Now I'm at the point that the longing screams at me constantly and we ARE ready, both of us. But, it doesn't matter, because now apparently life isn't ready for us. I long for the day when our loving dogs can play with our adorable, longed for baby, toddler, child...

"Our Someday Family" represents that struggle of mine to find peace and then, hopefully, one day to enjoy the family we so lovingly continued. I chose the word continued carefully so as not to discount the one we've already started. It's a very, very fine line between light and dark, crazy and sane, peace and war, all happening in my mind at any given time. "Our Someday Family" encapsulates all of that for me.

3 comments:

onceuponatime-jen said...

HI, thanks for checking out my blog! It's funny, your latest entry is pretty similar to the one I just got done writing. I am also ready, and I also feel like my DH and our 2 fur-babies are not enough! Obviously it's good I feel this way since we are starting to spend tons of $ to make a baby! Sometimes it just hits me harder than other times how ready I really am! Good luck to you!
Jen

c by the sea said...

thanks for your comment on my blog. i look forward to following along on your journey.

Illanare said...

Hi

Thank you for your comments on my blog. I will be following your journey and crossing all fingers for you

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