It was a day.

And, not exactly a banner day either.  I had one of those moments where you get mad at the world for the fact that you're having to pay mega bucks for even a chance at having a baby when so much of the rest of the world can do it free and relatively easily.  Breakdown #1. 

Then, I also had that moment when maybe you wish you hadn't really told your mom about IF.  That's probably not entirely true, because I know this is just a misunderstanding that we'll work out...but I NEVER in a million years expected to hear my mom say, "You shouldn't ask for helping paying for IVF because you don't really have to have a baby right now." (And, I wasn't even asking her...asking anyone, for that matter.  It was just at the general idea that we may need to ask ILs at some point.)  Breakdown #2.

Ok, there is admittedly some truth in what she says.  No one has stuck a gun to our heads and said that we must do IVF in the next few months.  That much is true.  The rest is debatable, though.  And the tone and insinuation, from someone who had two kids by my age (and though had lots of endo problems before and toxemia problems during, had no actual trouble getting pregnant either time!), sent me over the edge!  Depending on the day, my mom is either the second most (behind Hubby) or most (if Hubby's having an off day) understanding person in my life.  For us to be this far apart on something really hurts.

Given the fact that we just went through the whole MN house debacle, some help from family (though, obviously not mine) will likely be necessary to come up with the pre-payment amount for the trial.  For the record, that's not to say that we can't afford it, but paying in full up front does seem different to me than paying as you go or a payment plan.  The latter two we could do without a problem, but may not be available to us due to the trial....hence the possible need for help. 

Besides, it occurred to me after the whole "shouldn't ask for help" line that if we had accidentally gotten pregnant years ago, or even now for that matter, I suspect there would have been help if we needed it.  Happy accidents aren't an option for us.  Double standard, much? 

Bottom line is that I don't want to ask for help.  I wish we didn't need to...I wish we didn't need to pay mega bucks for the freakin' chance alone.  And, now we're back to Breakdown #1.

Treatment Plan Update:
-  Still waiting on AMH results.
-  Hysteroscopy scheduled for November 13.
-  Ate well today and took TWO walks with the dogs tonight.  One day down, 8 more pounds to go before we qualify for the trial.....