Saturday, October 17, 2009

The age of social networking = A punch in the gut

Seriously, Faceb00k sucks sometimes.  Sure, I love Faceb00k for keeping in touch with people I may not otherwise talk to.  I can follow the lives of high school and college friends from the 30,000 feet up perspective...only what they want to share.  That's all fine and well until one of the following two things happen:

1) Someone you're really close to and are used to sharing big news over the phone with takes to posting really big news (both pregnancy and non-pregnancy news, though not the BFP) on Faceb00k.  It feels a bit like a punch in the gut to suddenly feel demoted, without explanation, to the ranks of just another Faceb00k friend.  That's not really how it is, because she called later, but that's how it feels to find out that her world is falling apart and then miraculously back together by FB rather than a call. 

2) When one of those long lost, but then found via FB, friends who you haven't talked to in the better part of a decade posts that they're expecting twins.  I'm not sure why that feels like such a punch in the gut, but man does it ever.

I've also realized that I find myself always thinking "I wonder how they got pregnant?" these days when someone announces a pregnancy in real life.  And, that's especially true if it's twins.  I find that to be a weird thought.  And, even weirder still that if the answer is that they conceived those blessed twins via IUI/IVF or after a long time trying, it wouldn't feel like a punch, maybe just a tiny soft blow.  Or, more likely like a soft nudge, a gentle squeeze of the shoulder, or a big hug...a hug that only someone who's battled IF could give.  The understanding and hope that only someone who's beaten IF can share.  Unfortunately, the 30,000 feet up perspective that FB provides can't tell me that.  And, it seems somehow inappropriate to message the college friend I haven't spoken to in ages to ask. 

I just wish that I didn't feel like the wind got knocked out of me every time I log onto FB these days.  It seems that the vast majority of my FB friends are pregnant or already have at least one child.  In fact, Hubby added another college friend a few weeks ago and her and three kids greeted him from her profile picture.  The thought that someone we went to college with, not all that long ago, already has three kids.  WOW!  Clearly, they have super swimmers on their side.  Sheesh!  A month or so ago I was on a self-imposed FB break...might be time for another.
Of course, I'm not faulting anyone for posting those things on FB.  I'm sure we'll do the same when our turn comes.  However, I have noted that my friends who dealt with IF use a lot more care in their FB posting.  They don't log their delivery minute-by-minute via FB, for example (and, yes, I actually had a "friend" do that a few months ago).  I will certainly have a more careful perspective on my FB posting taking a cue from those friends, as well.
In happier news, the sun is shining here (all day even) for one of the first times since the first of October.  Likewise, the renewed sunlight and a medicine change have done wonders for Hubby in the last few days.  That's a huge relief.  It's easy to forget just what an effect lack of sunlight can have on him.  And, it all serves as a great reminder of why we left MN.  Luckily half a month of partly/mostly cloudy doesn't happen in TX very often.  But, it happens for most of the winter in MN.  I'll say it again...Good riddance MN house!

Busy planning for Halloween (we have a giant shindig at work!) and trying to stay busy in the wait for the intial RE consult on 10/26.  Almost there!


Michelle said...

If with you on the FB thing. I just recently accepted the friend request of a high school acquaintance.. big mistake. She has 2 children and complains about getting up early etc.
The other day she posted: without children my bank account would be full but my heart would be empty. -- I really really wanted to write back.. my bank account is empty and so is my heart.. I might have to "unfriend" her.

Anonymous said...

Ugh that sucks! I don't have a FB for those reasons. I feel like a total loner/loser b/c I don't have many friends in real life and I could connect with them more on FB...but I just can't. I've seen them and looked with my SIL (she has one) and that alone was enough to tell me not to do it.

Anonymous said...

I've found the same issues to be true on FB as of late. And, like you, I find myself wondering if any of these "back in the day" friends conceived using ART methods.
I'm glad the sun is shining for you all :)

Anonymous said...

Facebook can really bring you down can't it. It does it to me too. So many of my friends have kids. Luckily most of them are already born. I have more issues with pregnant people. *hugs*

PJ said...

yea, the pics of people with their kids gets a little obnoxious sometimes-although I know if I ever get that far I'll be among the obnoxious.

I think that about EVERY twin I meet. Every year we have at least one set of twins in either my class or the grade level that I teach, and they just fascinate me. Two. at. once. I mean, how is that possible? (I know, it just seems amazing to me)!

Hope Springs said...

I think that about twins too. And about anyone who conceives after they've been married for a while, or is over about 35.

And as for the Facebook friends - some are fine, some are so unbelievably smug that I think I'm going to have to hide them soon. I got back from my embryo transfer on Friday, logged onto Facebook, and one person's status was "enjoying sitting here feeling her baby kick". And EVERY status update ever is either about her current pregnancy or about her first child. OK, I get it - you're a mother. Do you never have a thought or experience that isn't totally wrapped up in them?

Good to hear your DH is feeling better - hope the sunny weather and the improvement in health continue.

Melissa G said...

I am so with you on the FB thing. Infact, FB and I are in the middle of trial separation. I haven't been on there in WEEKS. And I don't miss it one bit.

Glad to hear your hubby's feeling better.

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