Tuesday, October 27, 2009

It was a day.

And, not exactly a banner day either.  I had one of those moments where you get mad at the world for the fact that you're having to pay mega bucks for even a chance at having a baby when so much of the rest of the world can do it free and relatively easily.  Breakdown #1. 

Then, I also had that moment when maybe you wish you hadn't really told your mom about IF.  That's probably not entirely true, because I know this is just a misunderstanding that we'll work out...but I NEVER in a million years expected to hear my mom say, "You shouldn't ask for helping paying for IVF because you don't really have to have a baby right now." (And, I wasn't even asking her...asking anyone, for that matter.  It was just at the general idea that we may need to ask ILs at some point.)  Breakdown #2.

Ok, there is admittedly some truth in what she says.  No one has stuck a gun to our heads and said that we must do IVF in the next few months.  That much is true.  The rest is debatable, though.  And the tone and insinuation, from someone who had two kids by my age (and though had lots of endo problems before and toxemia problems during, had no actual trouble getting pregnant either time!), sent me over the edge!  Depending on the day, my mom is either the second most (behind Hubby) or most (if Hubby's having an off day) understanding person in my life.  For us to be this far apart on something really hurts.

Given the fact that we just went through the whole MN house debacle, some help from family (though, obviously not mine) will likely be necessary to come up with the pre-payment amount for the trial.  For the record, that's not to say that we can't afford it, but paying in full up front does seem different to me than paying as you go or a payment plan.  The latter two we could do without a problem, but may not be available to us due to the trial....hence the possible need for help. 

Besides, it occurred to me after the whole "shouldn't ask for help" line that if we had accidentally gotten pregnant years ago, or even now for that matter, I suspect there would have been help if we needed it.  Happy accidents aren't an option for us.  Double standard, much? 

Bottom line is that I don't want to ask for help.  I wish we didn't need to...I wish we didn't need to pay mega bucks for the freakin' chance alone.  And, now we're back to Breakdown #1.

Treatment Plan Update:
-  Still waiting on AMH results.
-  Hysteroscopy scheduled for November 13.
-  Ate well today and took TWO walks with the dogs tonight.  One day down, 8 more pounds to go before we qualify for the trial.....

10 comments:

Hope Springs said...

The trouble is, however much our mothers try to understand, they can only see the world through the filter of a fertile person. My mother is currently dealing with one daughter who's almost certainly just failed her first IVF and another daughter who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant with her fourth child and wondering how she's going to cope. Although I know she's totally supportive of both of us, she knows how to deal with my sister much more easily, because it's a situation much closer to her own life experience. And sometimes she says the wrong thing to me, because she can sympathise with me, but she can never totally empathise.

Unfortunately, the burden sometimes falls on us to be understanding of their lack of understanding. They have never been where we are, and can sometimes blurt something out that hurts us without intending to. She probably sees you as still having time on your side, because that's the way it would be for a normal fertile couple at your age. Try not to hold it against her, and be gentle in educating her - and hopefully she'll soon be back to her wonderful understanding self.

Lauren said...

Ouch. I can't believe your mom said that.

Maybe you don't HAVE to have a baby right now. But that doesn't change the fact that you want one, and you should be able to have one just like everybody else.

Marla.z said...

Okay, so I know I read about this trial in one of your earlier posts, but I can't seem to remember the specifics, and now I can't find that post. I'm probably scanning right over it. I feel stupid. What kind of trial is it, again?

Good luck with the weight loss. If there was ever a reason to lose weight for something, this is it. I need that kind of incentive!!!

lowfatlady said...

*hugs* I'm sorry your having a bad day. Some days everything just piles on. I'm sorry about what your mom said. I know that would bother me too. It's not that you have to have kids right now. You just have that urge to want to get pregnant, to be a mom and your having issues. It's frustrating.

Trinity said...

Yowsa--what a day! :( It's so frustrating to feel like you have to justify WHY you wish to have a baby and WHEN you want to have a baby. Folks--even our closest, well-meaning friends and family--don't see infertility the way we do--as a clinical issue, a diagnosis, a disease. I'm sorry that you're having to work through this on top of the rest of it! Sending good thoughts your way...

T Lee said...

Maybe you don't have to have a baby now... maybe you should wait a couple years until your odds decrease... much better plan. *rolls eyes* I'm sure she didn't mean it that way, but I think that's the way a lot of mothers react- mine asked me similar questions... and it took her 14 years to conceive (one would think she might get it, but no). And keep going on those last 8 lbs!!!

JC said...

Sorry for your breakdowns! =(
Mom's don't always say the right thing, mine has messed up a few times also. Saying "would you want to adopt" in the very very early stages of finding out we were IF. I think Hope Springs is right when she said "the burden sometimes falls on us to be understanding of their lack of understanding". And the whole money thing is sooooooooooo frustrating!!!!!!!! ((HUGS)) to you. Good job on eating well and walking. Last night when my hubby said he wasn't going to my apt I ate everything in sight (ice cream, chips) b/c I was so upset and stressed. So I know it's hard right now.

dawn said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR BLOG!! I CAN RELATE TO EVERTHING!!

check this out:

www.wishtobeamommy.com

Marla.z said...

I left you another award on my blog. Love ya, chickie! :)

Sassy said...

I found your blog via ivillage and am totally relating to you. My husband I have struggled with infertility for a long time. We still do. We have been blessed with a son, and I hope that you too will be blessed. I know that feeling of longing, and those feelings when it seems that everyone can get pregnant so easily but you. I had the hardest time as a teacher I would see these crappy parents who didn't deserve the beuatiful children they already have and didn't care about, pop yet another one out and complain at how it's just another mouth to feed. I would just sit and cry because i'd give EVERYTHING to be able to just decide I want a baby and poof! it happens.
Nobody has to HAVE a baby at any particular point, but it doesn't change that you WANT a baby.
All the best to you.

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...