Let's Bring Christmas to a Wounded DFW Police Officer's Family

On Monday, a good friend and colleague at work checked her text messages and let out an audible gasp.  She didn't breathe and turned a certain shade of pale.  After a few seconds, just as we were about to ask if she was ok, she "There's an officer down. He's okay, but anytime I see "Officer Down," I get worried."

Rightfully so. Her husband is a Dallas PD Officer. And, ten years ago, he was shot in the line of duty, as well. We talked for a bit about what she knew about shooting, if she knew the officer or his family, etc. I admit that after that conversation passed, I don't think I thought about the officer or the incident again.

Flash forward to tonight. I was just getting ready for bed when I got an e-mail from the organizer of a local playgroup LMH and I had recently joined. Her husband, also a DPD officer, is the partner of the officer wounded in the shooting.  His name is Officer Richard Whitt.  He has a wife and three children between the ages of 3 and 10.

Now I can't stop thinking about The Whitt Family.

Officer Whitt has already undergone three surgeries and is not out of the woods yet. That alone,with three kids, right before Christmas would be devasting enough, but their situation is even more dire. DPD has recently undergone a number of leadership changes, furloughs and paycuts.  Since Officer Whit is a rookie, he oped to forgo healh insurance for he remainder of the year in favor of more take-hom pay for his family his year. Surely, in this economy, we can all appreciate that.  However, this means that DPD will be paying no more than their legally required workers' compensation.

Officer Whit's family is in danger of losing their home, not being able to put food on the table, and not having a Christmas for their hree small children. Officer Whit is a hero and an inspiration. We have him and the many other officers throughout the country for our safety.

I wan to do something. I feel like I'm being called to do more...the two connections to this story that randomly (or not so randomly) appeared in my life this week cannot be a coincidence. I want to do all I can to make sure htat Officer Whit's family has a wonderful, blessed Christmas.  But, I don't know where to start. 

Please help me brainstorm ways to harness the power of Facebook, Twitter or the blogosphere to deliver hope, love, and thankfulness to the Whit Family this Christmas.

Out of the Dark



Arwork availabe at http://deloresart.ca/

 What would you do if you found out that you had only two months left to live? That’s the question a dear family friend is struggling to answer this morning. He went to the doctor a few weeks ago for pain and today he’s reeling with from the worst news of his life: cancer. They gave him 2 months to 2 years to live. I’m still a bit in shock. 

Just as my mom was sharing this tragic news with me about one of our family’s oldest friends, I was reading this post over at Memorable Moments on “11 Things to Achieve before 11.11.11.” My first thought was what would you want to achieve if you had even less time than that. I really can’t imagine being given a life ultimatum as dire as two months. Would you fight the cancer? Or would you throw all of your time and effort into having the best two months you could ever imagine?

In the end, I guess it comes down to hindsight, right? If it turned out that you beat the cancer and lived for another ten years, fighting it would have been the right thing to do. If, on the other hand, you spent two months fighting and died in three, perhaps it wasn’t the best idea. The problem is that we don’t have the benefit of hindsight when we’re forced to make those excruciating life decisions. Faith and personality would end up being the determining factors, I think. I think my faith and my personality wouldn’t let me give up. Then again, who knows what I might think in that particular moment.

Thankfully, I’m blessed to stand at a far different moment right now, which leads me to my second thought upon reading the “11 Things t Achieve Before 11.11.11” post. By 11.11.11, I’ll be 30 years old. I’ve feared turning 30 for the last nine years. To me, 30 always represented a mid-life checkpoint moment….have I achieved the things I intended to achieve by the time I got here? Up until this year, many of those things were left unfulfilled. I think that’s why 30 has always been such a sore spot for me.

As I move closer to the 30th year of my life, I fear it less and less. My younger self had two distinct criteria (and many more nebulous ones) for success by age 30.

1. Two kids, and family building completed, by the age of 30.

2. Successful career, preferably having received the coveted “manager” title.

Now those requirements look kind of silly…a benefit of hindsight, of course. No, we won’t have our two kids by the time I turn 30, and now I know that there may not even be two kids in our future at all. But, I have my one perfect baby boy and if he’s the one child God planned for our family to have then so be it! A year ago, when were up to our necks in infertility testing and it all felt so insurmountable, I felt so much pressure about having at least one child by 30. LMH is such a gift that I feel beyond blessed to have had one child by 30, let alone worrying about not having had two!

As for that second requirement, I’m not sure I’ll have it fulfilled by 30 either. But, I’m more and more okay with that. Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m striving towards a better work-life balance now that LMH is here. Perhaps it’s the fact that I love my job as is, and I know it’s moving in that direction just not necessarily on my timeline. Perhaps it’s the fact that I feel confident that the company I work for is the perfect place for me, if I choose to stay in Corporate America. Or perhaps it’s that I’m actively seeking new outlets that could lead me in an entirely unexpected direction (like my soon to be announced new blog project). Whatever the reason, I’m okay with not being a manager by June of next year. In fact, I might be okay with not being a manager at all….a younger me shudders at the thought!

So, as I read Sonal’s post, I realized that I don’t know what I want to achieve before 11.11.11. I need new goals, because my old ones seem so shortsighted. I want to be a better me…a me who’s at peace with where and who I am. I want to take a more active stance in our community, reach out to new people, make lasting friends in our hometown. I want to define the direction that I will take for the next decade of my life. It’s interesting that when I started my 20s I wanted to be doing exactly what I am now, working at a successful airline (so I can check off that goal). But, as I begin my 30s, I’m not sure that I want the same things.

It’s time to do some soul searching. What might I accomplish in twelve months if I tackled it with the gusto of someone who’s just been given two months to live? While I’m struggling to answer that question, I pose it to you, as well…. 

Skip

I suppose this is a placeholder post.  I don't want to skip my third NaBloPoMo post, but I'm exhausted and am planning on getting up early tomorrow morning for a daycare morning practice run.  Have just been feeling kind of down today.  Can't believe that three months has already boiled down to just the next four days....

Trying to figure out how to make the most of them without feeling like it's the last of everything, because that would be silly. And yet, that's how it feels at the moment.  I'm grateful for the Lexapro I got earlier, right after he was born and we got the bad news about my vision.  I think it will be useful over the next couple of weeks.

I asked the hubby if I was going to feel any better about this soon.  He said he thought I'd feel a lot better about everything by the end of next week.  I think that's wishful thinking.  I'm hoping I'll feel a bit more sure about everything in a month.  I figure I'm going to feel like crap most of next week.  Lovely positive thinking, huh?  Part of the problem next week will just be sheer exhaustion.  Being tired doesn't exactly help my mood too much to begin with.  I am very grateful that next week is my flex week...only have to make it through four days before I get to spend Friday with LMH!  Four days..surely that's doable!

Giving Thanks for the Weekend (and ICLW)!

Well, thankfully, the weekend finally game...and, even better, I SURVIVED!  This was one of the toughest weeks I've had in awhile.  And, while the vast majority of the stressful things this week were non-IF related, I was stunned at how much IF crept it's way in.

The biggest stressor of this week was the whole job interview craziness.  Besides the fact that everyone already knew who would get the job, it really was a great opportunity for me to get some face time with the VP and just all around good experience.  I knew that from the beginning.  When I really dug deep to figure out why I was so opposed to applying for the exposure and good experience, despite knowin ghow it would end, it came down to IF, in a roundabout sort of way.

In our TTC/IF world, we're almost guaranteed a "no" every month.  That roller coaster of emotions is taxing enough, even when you know how it's going to end.  So, here I was in a similar, yet entirely different situation, and I didn't know if I could sign up for yet another guaranteed "no".  I just didn't know if there was enough emotional space leftover where the IF left off. 

In the end, I'm glad I applied and went through the charade.  It was a worthwhile experience, even though I still have no doubt that M will get the job.  I'm ok with it.  And, I even ended up decide to go see Twilight on Thursday night after all!  Adrenaline kept me going all day until after the interview.  It was a win-win, in the end.

Should find out, officially, which of us got the job early next week.  Not that it will be a surprise, but at least I won't have to wonder, even a little bit, over the Thanksgiving holiday.  As much as last week was awful with all the stress and drama, at least it was ultimately short-lived!

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So, this week, I'm thankful for this weekend to regroup and the Thanksgiving weekend to reconnect with family!  I'm also thankful for all of you, my ICLW friends.  How lucky we are that ICLW falls on Thanksgiving week!  Very fitting, if you ask me!

The first half of this post has a very good intro on our story.  And, here's the quick recap on what's happened since then.  We've seen slight improvements in Hubby's morphology (from 0% to 2%), but the overall, everything is still pretty low.  All of our bloodwork is done, including my AMH results that show borderline normal ovarian reserve.  I had a hysteroscopy that revealed a uterus that would (hopefully) accept an ET wonderfully.  Next up, and the last (hopefully) of the diagnostics is Hubby's 5th SA which will include DNA fragmentation testing on 11/25.  Last time it took seven (!) days to get morphology results back from the lab.  I'm really hoping it doesn't take that long this time, but just in case, I scheduled our follow-up consultation at the RE for 12/3. 

My hope is that we'll have an official treatment plan as of a week from Thanksgiving!  I'll be giving thanks for that, as well!  I'm beyond ready to finally feel like we have a shot at this.  We're planning on starting with some IUI cycles, despite the odds, while we save up for an IVF clinical trial that will hopefully be happening at our clinic later in 2010. 

So, that's our story.  Thank you for stopping by!  I truly am thankful for all of you and I'm looking forward to reading all of your stories over the next few days!

Not that Show

You know that show on VH1 "Best Week Ever?"  My week does not qualify!  I'll forewarn you that this is a rather ranting/raging post, so feel free to just speed read to the end...or even ignore, that would befit my week!

Remember how last week I found out that my position was being realigned?  Well, my department was hiring a manager for that new team I will be on.  And, the job was only posted internal to my department.  The manager job is so "me."  It's everything I've been aspiring to...a very exciting opportunity.  A few minor details, however.  1)  The VP had already started giving many of the parts of the new job to another manager in the department (while still preaching that everyone has an equal shot). 2) Privately, I can't help but wonder if it's not really six months to a year to early for me, experience-wise, anyway.

So, I had decided that I was not going to apply.  I would just be a happy player on New Manager's bench until the next great opportunity came along, but then I would be ready.  Easy enough.  Made great sense.  And then, yet another person (about the fourth) asked me if I was going to apply. And, my director said that they had made a special exception on the 1-year at the company rule so that I could apply.  Then, my family really started encouraging me to apply.  All the while, I knew the score.  I was applying for a losing battle.  Nonetheless, I was stupid brave enough to apply.

And, every day since I applied and the position closed on Monday has been more and more reminders of why I have no chance.  The VP has continued to give her new tasks that our on the New Manager's list of tasks.  How can I possibly compete with someone who is already doing the job?  And, why on earth do the act like everyone has a fair shot at it when clearly we/I don't?  I feel like the employee relations fall girl...the "check the box," we had two people apply so that it didn't just look like we were giving the to a specific person.  Oh, and the best part is that part of New Manager's role is to be the spokesperson for the department.  The other candidate, the one they've all but promised it to, is the most negative, close-minded, cynical person in the whole department.  Perfect for a spokeswoman, don't you think?

So, I'm busy working away on a strategic plan for the new department, that I won't be leading, for the interview tomorrow.  I'll likely still be working on that tonight before the interview tomorrow.  Two months ago, a friend and I bought tickets to see Twilight tonight.  Looks like no more Twilight for me...

And, to top it all off...the cherry on top of this ridiculously awful week?  BFF posted this to FB today:

Shout out to all the new mommies around me! Dianne, Bryn, Katie and Jennie! And those to come! Michelle, Leann, Josie and Sasha! Looking forward to some great memories :-)

Maybe it's just the incredibly foul mood I'm in (think the fact that I'm on CD4 might have something to do with that), but that post strikes me as ridiculous.  Or maybe it's just that I can't relate to what it must be like to be pregnant and surrounded by wonderfully happy pregnant and/or new moms.

Is this week over yet?  I think I'm about to start waving the white flag on this week...

The 2% Moved my Cheese

An update on my slightly tipsy Saturday night post...I woke up Sunday morning with barely a headache.  I think I just felt a bit worse than I really was because I didn't have much food the last hour or so.  All in all, it was a fun, well worth it, time!

Tying up lose ends from last week, we FINALLY got the morphology results!  As the title suggests, it was 2% normally shaped.  As the lab technician so eloquently put it "that's still abnormal," but it's our best yet.  We're now leaning towards some IUIs early next year before moving on to IVF.  Improving morph is one reason, finances are another, but I'll save that for a different post.

Finally, you'll recall that I was expecting some news on "exciting updates" at work yesterday.  Well, it was about what I figured.  My job scope will increase (ultimately a good thing), my title will change (a great thing), but my manager will also be changing (this makes both me and my manager sad!)...and no one can tell me whether or not it will be a lateral move or a grade level increase.  I'm still hoping for the latter.  Even if not right now, though, I'm assured that it will happen soon.  Soon is a relative term, though.  All in all, it was a rather anti-climactic meeting with a lot of build-up for mostly nothing. 

I'm excited about the changes, but not excited about the manager change.  Not the least of the reasons why is that now I'll have to re-explain the IF situation to the new boss.  Luckily, that person, though not officially named yet, will be someone I already work with who I think will be understanding and flexible.  Still not looking forward to rehashing it, though.

So, my cheese got moved at work-- better in the long-term, a bit painful in the short-term.  And, I suppose, in some ways, the 2% morph results moved our IF cheese, too, though in a good way.  It just kind of caused us to re-evaluate and be a little more encouraged to give IUI a chance.  I guess it also potentially falls into the "better in the long-term, a bit painful in the short-term" category, though. 

Ever get that feeling where you really need something (anything?!) to just be quick and easy?  That's kind of how I feel this week!