Semi-Wordless Wednesday: Turkey Troubles of a Different Kind

Daycare sent this lovely Thanksgiving craft home in LMH's bag.  So, what's wrong with this picture?

His name isn't Joshua...they sent us home with another baby's turkey!  What to do?

New Day...

...new state of mind!  I actually posted this on my Fa.cebook Wall this afternoon...

Picked him up and now he's fast asleep! I really do love Warren...everyone is so sweet and he's very well taken care of! Please remind me that I said this on Monday...

It would seem that my psyche is better off taking him to daycare because it reminds me of what a great place it is.  I'm not 100% convinced that daycare is what I want for him long-term (but I also don't have any other option right now).  But, as far as daycares/preschools go, Warren is top-notch! 

We got up this morning bright and early...seriously, I am SO not looking forward to doing that everyday again.  Ugh!  Anyway, I got up about 5:50 and started to get ready.  My goal was to have him at daycare by 7am.  It was a test run for the days that I'll drop him off in the morning.  Unfortunately, We got there about 7:20.  I was kind of shocked!  There's really not much else I could cut out of the morning routine.  All that's left is to wake up even early...good thing we did the practice run!

When we got there, it was just him and one other baby.  Looks like he'll get lots of personal attention from 7-8/8:30 when most of the rest of the infant room gets there.  According to his daily sheet, he was there 5 hours and was barely awake for 2 of them.  I'm amazed at how much better he naps there than he does at home!  When I picked him up around 12:30, he was mid-nap...again!  I'm glad he sleeps better there, and I'm glad they're stimulating him enough to tire him out so much!

When I went to pick him up, most of the babies, including him, were asleep.  Just a couple were awake and they were getting one-on-one time with one of the teachers over at the floor mirror.  They helped me pack his stuff up and get him in his carseat without waking him up.  When I was there on Tuesday, I watched the wipe away one of the baby's tears with a tissue.  That just struck me as going the extra mile. 

So, all in all, I just feel really good about Warren.  This all brings me back to that post from a few days ago where I realized that it's the fear of missing things that's my problem.  That's still very true.  But, at least I feel better today....just going to have to take it one day at a time for awhile!

Pause Button

We survived transition day one.  And, it wasn't awful.  We got there about 8:30 and I hung out with him until about 1, left to run some errands, and then came back around 3.  I can already tell that he's going to have a great time.  There are three other babies right around his age, give or take a month or two, so he'll be able to grow up with them.  And, the Infant room teachers are so wonderful.  They've both been there for years (definitely a rarity in the daycare world) and are great with the babies.

I know he'll be very well taken care of and I know he'll enjoy his time there.  And, to top it all off, he takes WAY better naps there than he does at home.  So, why do I still feel so crappy?  I'm pretty sure it has little to do with the fact that this morning was the first time in months that I've actually woken up, stayed awake, and gotten ready before 7am.  No, that's not the cause, but it can't be helping. 

Remember that movie from a year or so ago-- I think it was an Adam Sandler flick-- where he had a remote control and could fast forward, pause and rewind his life?  I wish I had one of those life remotes right about now.  I'd like to put the brakes on this week, but speed through next.  Of course, I don't think I ever saw that movie, but I'm pretty sure that last statement totally negates the whole moral of the story...life is in the details, good and bad, blah, blah, blah.  I'm so not in the mood...

Transition

Tomorrow is our first "transition" day at daycare.  I'm grateful for the chance to transition, because it might make leaving him there all day starting next week infinitesimally easier.  I'll take whatever small bit of "easier" I can get. The Merriam-Webster definition doesn't do much to make me feel any better about this either...

Transition (noun): passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another.  See also: change.

What new "state" are we passing into?  It's not so much the idea of me going back to work that bothers me, or even the fact that other people will be caring for him during the day (although the fact that he'll will essentially spend more time at daycare during the day than with us doesn't make me very happy).  We picked an awesome Montessori daycare/preschool, so I know that he will be well taken care of.  No, on the surface it's not either of those things troubling me tonight. 

It's really all about the fear of missing things.  More accurately...the fear of missing everything.

What are the odds that his firsts are going to happen between the few hours he's awake in the evenings after we get home or on the weekend?  The odds aren't really in our favor.  I've never been that good with change.

The hubby has mentioned that if I really want to stay home, we would find a way to make it work.  We'd have to change our lifestyle quite a bit.  But, we have managed to survive the last two months of my leave without a paycheck.  I don't actually believe that we could make it long-term without my paycheck, but maybe we could. 

The truth is that I never thought I'd be a very good stay-at-home-mom.  I really like my job.  Some days, I even love my job.  I need projects.  My brain needs challenges...and not so much the "what's causing that particular cry" kind.  I really love the people I work with and the corresponding adult interaction.  I've even felt a little isolated at times during the last few months.

So, as much as I don't want to go back, I do want to, too.  And, I don't know what that says about me as a mom or as a woman.  In a perfect world, I could work from home...come up with some brilliant new product or business idea and go from there.  But, the truth is that I have no such ideas.  Apparently, I wouldn't be a very good entrepreneur either!

What I do know is that I'm a great mother.  I love my little man with all my heart and want nothing but the best for him.  I just don't know yet whether that means me at home or me at work.  Both answers scare me...