Hoping vs. Waiting

Part of my pre-op bloodwork on Thursday was an HCG because I was on CD25 and 10DPO.  Right before the hysteroscopy last Friday, the nurse made a point to say that my HCG had come back negative.  I just laughed.  It wasn't a surprise.  Still, it sucks to know that already, as I sit around waiting for AF to come in the next few days with no hope of a BFP.  This is exactly why I don't early test. 

Even though the 2WW can drive me crazy, it's also still the most hopeful part of every cycle for me.  Despite the odds, for two weeks out of every month, I could be pregnant.  I don't early test because seeing AF for the 209th time in my life is a lot easier than seeing the stark white HPT staring back at me.  I've gotten used to AF's arrival month after month for 17 years (granted, for 16 of those I didn't much mind).  I don't ever want to get used to seeing bright white HPTs.  I'd rather just wait...and hope against the odds.

This cycle, though, there's no more hoping...only waiting.

Bad News is Good News?

Well, Maybe. At the very least, bad news equals hope, for the moment.

We got Hubby's blood work results yesterday. His testosterone levels are extremely low (normal for his age is 600; his is 190) and his estradiol levels are borderline high. Tomorrow is our second SA, the baseline, and after that he'll be starting Tamoxifen (for the testosterone) and Arimidex (for the estradiol).

The interesting thing is that regardless of whether or not balancing the hormon levels helps our MFI issues, low testosterone can lead to depression and extreme fatigue...two issues that DH deals with in spades. Even if it doesn't help the swimmers, it would be AWESOME if it helped with either the depression or fatigue. And, perhaps we'll even get a win-win out of the deal

I'm feeling a bit more hopeful today, even though I know that the Clomid/Tamoxifen route is rather hit-and-miss on it's effectiveness. At least it's a ray of hope to hang on to in the shorter term! And, it feels good!

Question: Dr. B had already discussed the Tamoxifen, but this was the first we'd heard of the Arimidex. Do any of my lovely readers have experience with Arimidex?

Update: Thanks for all the good luck wishes yesterday. My presentation ROCKED! It was awesome...probably the best I've ever given. So, the lesson is that practicing the presentation ten times to a bored, and eventually sleeping, audience of Gracie and Audrey is the key! :-)