Not that Show

You know that show on VH1 "Best Week Ever?"  My week does not qualify!  I'll forewarn you that this is a rather ranting/raging post, so feel free to just speed read to the end...or even ignore, that would befit my week!

Remember how last week I found out that my position was being realigned?  Well, my department was hiring a manager for that new team I will be on.  And, the job was only posted internal to my department.  The manager job is so "me."  It's everything I've been aspiring to...a very exciting opportunity.  A few minor details, however.  1)  The VP had already started giving many of the parts of the new job to another manager in the department (while still preaching that everyone has an equal shot). 2) Privately, I can't help but wonder if it's not really six months to a year to early for me, experience-wise, anyway.

So, I had decided that I was not going to apply.  I would just be a happy player on New Manager's bench until the next great opportunity came along, but then I would be ready.  Easy enough.  Made great sense.  And then, yet another person (about the fourth) asked me if I was going to apply. And, my director said that they had made a special exception on the 1-year at the company rule so that I could apply.  Then, my family really started encouraging me to apply.  All the while, I knew the score.  I was applying for a losing battle.  Nonetheless, I was stupid brave enough to apply.

And, every day since I applied and the position closed on Monday has been more and more reminders of why I have no chance.  The VP has continued to give her new tasks that our on the New Manager's list of tasks.  How can I possibly compete with someone who is already doing the job?  And, why on earth do the act like everyone has a fair shot at it when clearly we/I don't?  I feel like the employee relations fall girl...the "check the box," we had two people apply so that it didn't just look like we were giving the to a specific person.  Oh, and the best part is that part of New Manager's role is to be the spokesperson for the department.  The other candidate, the one they've all but promised it to, is the most negative, close-minded, cynical person in the whole department.  Perfect for a spokeswoman, don't you think?

So, I'm busy working away on a strategic plan for the new department, that I won't be leading, for the interview tomorrow.  I'll likely still be working on that tonight before the interview tomorrow.  Two months ago, a friend and I bought tickets to see Twilight tonight.  Looks like no more Twilight for me...

And, to top it all off...the cherry on top of this ridiculously awful week?  BFF posted this to FB today:

Shout out to all the new mommies around me! Dianne, Bryn, Katie and Jennie! And those to come! Michelle, Leann, Josie and Sasha! Looking forward to some great memories :-)

Maybe it's just the incredibly foul mood I'm in (think the fact that I'm on CD4 might have something to do with that), but that post strikes me as ridiculous.  Or maybe it's just that I can't relate to what it must be like to be pregnant and surrounded by wonderfully happy pregnant and/or new moms.

Is this week over yet?  I think I'm about to start waving the white flag on this week...

The age of social networking = A punch in the gut

Seriously, Faceb00k sucks sometimes.  Sure, I love Faceb00k for keeping in touch with people I may not otherwise talk to.  I can follow the lives of high school and college friends from the 30,000 feet up perspective...only what they want to share.  That's all fine and well until one of the following two things happen:

1) Someone you're really close to and are used to sharing big news over the phone with takes to posting really big news (both pregnancy and non-pregnancy news, though not the BFP) on Faceb00k.  It feels a bit like a punch in the gut to suddenly feel demoted, without explanation, to the ranks of just another Faceb00k friend.  That's not really how it is, because she called later, but that's how it feels to find out that her world is falling apart and then miraculously back together by FB rather than a call. 

2) When one of those long lost, but then found via FB, friends who you haven't talked to in the better part of a decade posts that they're expecting twins.  I'm not sure why that feels like such a punch in the gut, but man does it ever.

I've also realized that I find myself always thinking "I wonder how they got pregnant?" these days when someone announces a pregnancy in real life.  And, that's especially true if it's twins.  I find that to be a weird thought.  And, even weirder still that if the answer is that they conceived those blessed twins via IUI/IVF or after a long time trying, it wouldn't feel like a punch, maybe just a tiny soft blow.  Or, more likely like a soft nudge, a gentle squeeze of the shoulder, or a big hug...a hug that only someone who's battled IF could give.  The understanding and hope that only someone who's beaten IF can share.  Unfortunately, the 30,000 feet up perspective that FB provides can't tell me that.  And, it seems somehow inappropriate to message the college friend I haven't spoken to in ages to ask. 

I just wish that I didn't feel like the wind got knocked out of me every time I log onto FB these days.  It seems that the vast majority of my FB friends are pregnant or already have at least one child.  In fact, Hubby added another college friend a few weeks ago and her and three kids greeted him from her profile picture.  The thought that someone we went to college with, not all that long ago, already has three kids.  WOW!  Clearly, they have super swimmers on their side.  Sheesh!  A month or so ago I was on a self-imposed FB break...might be time for another.

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Of course, I'm not faulting anyone for posting those things on FB.  I'm sure we'll do the same when our turn comes.  However, I have noted that my friends who dealt with IF use a lot more care in their FB posting.  They don't log their delivery minute-by-minute via FB, for example (and, yes, I actually had a "friend" do that a few months ago).  I will certainly have a more careful perspective on my FB posting taking a cue from those friends, as well.

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In happier news, the sun is shining here (all day even) for one of the first times since the first of October.  Likewise, the renewed sunlight and a medicine change have done wonders for Hubby in the last few days.  That's a huge relief.  It's easy to forget just what an effect lack of sunlight can have on him.  And, it all serves as a great reminder of why we left MN.  Luckily half a month of partly/mostly cloudy doesn't happen in TX very often.  But, it happens for most of the winter in MN.  I'll say it again...Good riddance MN house!

Busy planning for Halloween (we have a giant shindig at work!) and trying to stay busy in the wait for the intial RE consult on 10/26.  Almost there!