Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Busy, but not Busy Enough!

Sorry everyone. I just haven't felt "in the mood" to post lately.  I guess it's because there hasn't been much new to say.  There's still not much terribly new to say today.  But, I think--I'm hopeful--that there will be much to discuss in the coming days. 

I suppose there have been a few new developments recently, some bigger than others.  Most notably, we had dinner with very dear friends and their 3-year-old daughter over the weekend.  They had a request for us that both shocked and awed us and ultimately left us honored and humbled.  Amidst our troubles trying to conceive, that someone would trust us, in the event of a terrible worst case scenario, with their own IF miracle just leaves me speechless...awed...thankful...and humbled.  And, it feels a bit like God reminding us that we're on the right path, but must wait our turn.

It's that last part that continues to be a struggle for me, though.  DH has been on the Tamoxifen/Arimidex combo for about a month now.  Our first follow-up with the urologist is Friday.  It's not as if we're not busy on the TTC front.  We're not exactly not doing anything.  But, it feels so "low impact."  I want to do more than have DH pop a pill. I'll just be shocked if that alone makes all of our TTC troubles go away.  And, to be fair, I have learned great respect for meds through DH's depression.  A well-prescribed anti-depressant can make all the difference in the world (and vice versa on a poorly prescribed one).  But, even the best anti-depressant can't make DH's depression completely go away.  It still takes "management," for lack of a better term. 

I suspect that TTC will be that way for us, too.  The Tamoxifen/Arimidex may help, but I just don't see them as the silver bullet.  And, if IUI and/or IVF await us, I'd rather just get there.  That's the catch, though, if the Tamoxifen/Arimidex have any chance of improving the counts, we need to give them time to do their job.  I'm just impatient. 

So, we're busy, but we're not busy enough for me yet.  Of course, the next valid question you may be thinking is what would "busy enough" look like for me.  It's a good question.  I don't have an answer.  I just know that I want to do more.  We'll be asking the urologist for a timeline for IUI/IVF on Friday and if he's aware of any clinical trials that might apply to us.  And, I'll probably be looking to set up a RE appointment soon...adding that to our urologist appointments and DH's psychiatrist, sleep specialist and endocrinologist appointments.  Hmmm...I think DH will feel BUSY... 

Patience...anyone have tips on learning patience?  I've been trying for years, but I don't think I've made any progress! :-)

6 comments:

Brandy said...

Let me know when you learn some about patient. It seems like this whole process is hurry up and wait!

www.brandysheaif.blogspot.com

lowfatlady said...

My husband has been trying to teach me patience for years and it never works. I hope that the drugs help your hubby and that you get your positive.

One Who Understands said...

I totally get this. I don’t feel like we are even TTC since we have to do IVF/ICSI. I have not mastered patience, but one way I have learned to deal with it is throwing myself into something else. Currently it is running. Good since I also enjoy baking.

Melissa G said...

I have no tips whatsoever for patience. Not one. I wish I did.

I know how frustrating it is to not have a timeline or even a plan.

I won't tell you to hang in there, because I know it won't help. Just know that I feel your pain.

Hugs

Hope Springs said...

What a huge honour from your friends - obviously something you hope will never have to happen, but amazing to know that they would trust you with the most precious thing in their lives.

I wonder if this whole experience was designed to teach us to be patient and go with the flow. I've never thought of myself as an impatient person, but I'm definitely a control freak, and I think the hardest thing about all of this is that we're not in control at all. Sounds like you're also looking for a bit of control over the situation, and I'd love to tell you how to be a bit more chilled about it - as soon as I figure it out myself, I'll let you know...

ifcrossroads said...

Wow - you do have a lot going on. As far as tips for patience, I have none. I will say that I just started hypnotherapy and that has helped me with relaxation. In fact, the hyponotherapy is all directly IF related so it's relevant.

Oh, and about your hubby, I can understand on some levels. My DH has acute social anxiety disorder and it makes life very difficult at times. I will say that I've learned how to manage his disorder better in the last 3-5 years but our first 4-6 yrs of marriage were very difficult.

Good luck!

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